Share your England story

We love England! (tea, crumpets, and all that jazz!)

But blimey, we’ve also stumbled into some properly bonkers and maddening moments here that you wouldn’t find anywhere else on the planet. Situations so absurd they make you want to chuck your brolly in frustration or chuckle at the sheer Monty Python-level lunacy of dealing with businesses, government services, or even trying to get a proper pint at the local pub.

When we grumble, the classic British retort online is “if you don’t like it, sod off!”—which, let’s be honest, isn’t exactly the most constructive way to sort things out, is it?

This board is our chance to gather all your tales of woe to prove there’s a peculiar pattern of dodgy service interactions across England, unlike anywhere else in the world.

Hopefully, by rounding up these stories, England can take a gander at them as feedback and spruce things up for foreigners and locals alike—because nobody wants to queue for eternity just to get a soggy sarnie.

POSTS ARE COMPLETELY ANONYMOUS—YOUR EMAIL AND USERNAME STAY SAFER THAN A CROWN JEWEL

Update: We’ll be passing the juiciest stories and gripes to MPs, so your voice will be heard louder than a foghorn at a footy match!

Safe Pathways Oldbury – Urgent Safety Infrastructure Intervention

COMPREHENSIVE PROJECT DOCUMENT Project Title: Safe Pathways Oldbury – Urgent Safety Infrastructure Intervention Project Facilitator: A suitable organisation Strategic Safety Partner: Sandwell Crime Prevention Panel (Registered Charity No. 1008754) Target Location: School Boundary / Pathway, Oldbury, Sandwell 1. EXECUTIVE SUMMARY & PROBLEM STATEMENT This project seeks immediate funding and local authority permission to install public safety infrastructure—specifically high-intensity solar-powered lighting—on the unlit perimeter path bordering a local school in Oldbury. The site is currently a major safeguarding blindspot during hours of darkness. While Sandwell Council has acknowledged the area's risk by deploying a temporary CCTV camera, the lack of lighting severely compromises both natural surveillance and the efficacy of any video monitoring. The area is a proven flashpoint for violent crime, including documented reports of sexual assault and rape. A community petition has mobilized 824 verified local resident signatures demanding immediate structural intervention. By utilizing the project management and bid-writing infrastructure of a suitable organisation alongside the institutional credibility of the Sandwell Crime Prevention Panel, this project bypasses council budget blockages by funding the lighting infrastructure entirely through external grants. 2. THE PARTNERSHIP DELIVERY MODEL To maximize the likelihood of securing grants and overcoming council liability objections, the project operates under a joint-delivery framework: A Suitable Organisation (Project Manager & Fiscal Host): Will act as the technical procurement lead and bid writer. They will handle the administrative backend, project management, and management of the hardware suppliers. Sandwell Crime Prevention Panel (Strategic Lead): Will act as the primary community safety advisor. Their established relationship with West Midlands Police and Sandwell Council allows them to act as the liaison to clear statutory hurdles. They provide the institutional weight required for high-level safety grants. The School & Local Authority (Key Stakeholders): Because the school is situated on council land, they will be engaged for an easement/license to occupy—permitting the installation of the lighting equipment on their boundary line to integrate seamlessly with the council's existing temporary CCTV measures. 3. FUNDING STRATEGY & TARGETED GRANTS Because this project directly addresses violent crime, vulnerability, and a heavily mobilized community, it is highly competitive for specialized safety grants. We will target the following streams: A. West Midlands Police & Crime Commissioner (PCC) – Community Safety Fund Focus Area: Specifically funds community-led initiatives that tackle anti-social behavior, violence against women and girls (VAWG), and localized crime hotspots. The Angle: The application will directly cite the 824 signatures and the prior reports of sexual assault/rape, framing the lighting as an essential requirement to make the council's current temporary CCTV system effective. B. The National Lottery Community Fund (Awards for All) Focus Area: Grants up to £10,000 for community-led projects that improve local spaces and support vulnerable groups (in this case, school children and residents walking in darkness). The Angle: The bid will focus on the community empowerment aspect—proving that 824 residents have shaped this solution to reclaim their local neighborhood. C. The Home Office "Safer Streets Fund" (via Safer Sandwell Partnership) Focus Area: Large-scale government grants specifically for physical situational crime prevention (street lighting, alley-gating). The Angle: We will request the Sandwell Crime Prevention Panel to advocate for this site to be included in Sandwell's next allocation of Safer Streets funding, using this prepared project scope to minimize their administrative work. 4. RISK ASSESSMENT & MITIGATION MATRIX Identified Risk Risk Level Impact Mitigation / Solution Strategy Council/School Refusal of Permission High High Statutory Leverage: Present the 824 signatures and crime data directly to the School Governors and the Sandwell Council Safety Board. Remind them of their Duty of Care under Section 17 of the Crime and Disorder Act. Emphasize that the project covers 100% of the capital costs, removing financial strain from them. Asset Liability & Future Maintenance Medium Medium Warranty & Contingency: Procure commercial-grade solar systems with a minimum 5-year warranty. Allocate 15% of the grant funding specifically into a "Maintenance Trust Fund" managed by the suitable organisation to cover battery replacements, ensuring zero ongoing cost to the council. Vandalism or Theft of Lights Medium High Design Security: Specify anti-climb, high-mounted columns (minimum 4-6 meters). Ensure the lighting units are positioned within the direct line of sight of the council's temporary CCTV camera to deter vandalism. 5. TECHNICAL SPECIFICATION PROFILE To ensure the council accepts the proposal, the equipment cannot be residential gear. The suitable organisation will oversee the procurement of: Lighting: Commercial-grade, all-in-one solar LED street lights with intelligent power management (dimming to 30% when no motion is detected, boosting to 100% brightness when a pedestrian approaches to conserve battery life through winter). CCTV Synergy: The lighting lux levels will be specified to match the optical requirements of the council's temporary CCTV camera, ensuring clear, color footage can be captured even at midnight. 6. IMMEDIATE NEXT STEPS / ACTION PLAN Formally Approach the Panel: Send this official brief to the Sandwell Crime Prevention Panel. Introduce the suitable organisation, state your capacity to manage the project, and present the 824 signatures alongside the crime profile. Request a formal meeting to co-sign a partnership agreement. Request a Police "Crime Reduction Officer" Site Visit: Through the Panel, request a formal site assessment from a West Midlands Police Designing Out Crime Officer (DOCO). Their written report confirming that permanent lighting is required to support the current CCTV deployment will make the grant applications virtually bulletproof. Engage School Leadership: Approach the school's business manager or headteacher. Present this as a project where a capable project manager and a police-aligned charity are bringing free infrastructure to secure their school boundary. Once the school gives written "in-principle" support, Sandwell Council's land-use permission will follow much easier. Petition link: https://www.change.org/p/install-cctv-and-lighting-for-safety-in-oldbury?recruiter=1094996782&recruited_by_id=d8531ec0-a0cc-11ea-b972-c9d16460b44a&utm_source=share_petition&utm_campaign=petition_dashboard&utm_medium=copylink&share_id=SJT8CdTKwj

Only in Sandwell

about 6 hours ago

In Progress

the decline of West Bromwich High Street

Im writing this with a very heavy heart but something has to change. Ive been noticing the decline of West Bromwich High Street for a number of years. It seems that everything that Sandwell council do accelerates the decline. Every penny spent makes it worse rather than better. £4.6m spent on the indoor market and its an embarrassment. The design is rubbish and so is the interior. The "new" high st stalls are a pain to traders - the glass roof makes the place unbearable during hot days. The "play area" in the middle of the high st looks like its been there since the 70s and is not fit for purpose. Who makes the decisions and why are we still allowing this!? How can so many countries around Europe manage to build beautiful and modern structures and we get a slap in the face, for £4.6million! We need to take action. Please comment if youd like to get involved. We need an action group to start pushing the MPs and councillors to do the right thing and stop wasting our money. Im sick of whats happening! Originally posted on Nextdoor: https://nextdoor.co.uk/p/Sm8g7tNR8ctB?utm_source=share&extras=MTc1OTIyMDU4NjQ0NjU%3D&ne_link_preview_links=&utm_campaign=1760445377061&share_action_id=9a52f39f-8ebb-4344-b8c1-6f336b6f0adf

Only in Sandwell

8 months ago

The decline of UK High Streets

I’ve been wandering the high streets of England for years, and it’s breaking my heart to see them crumbling into “ghost towns”. I’m in a town just outside Birmingham. It used to be a buzzing spot with butchers, bakeries, and a lot of shops where you’d bump into half the neighborhood on a Saturday. It seems that most of the shops are now closed with no plans of re-opening. The only businesses to survive are vape shops, barbers, and the occasional pound store and/or a pound bakery clinging on for dear life. There’s loads of ‘to let’ shops in the area but the lease cost, utilities and business rates amounts make it impossible to survive. Any ideas of what we could do to improve this? IMO councils should give tax breaks to small businesses even when they rent properties with value over the Small Business Rates Relief.

Only in England

about 1 year ago